About the ladies who call me every day

I haven’t written anything about ladies etc in my blog. Let me break that trend and reveal some secrets in this post. Trying some humor after a long time. Hope you like it.

Of late several ladies have been calling me, almost on a daily basis, not that my market value has catapulted overnight or any such reasons, just because I’ve chosen not to fall pray to any of the marketing strategies adopted by some companies.

My most favorite lady caller is Miss Caller Tune. She is very much upset (when people are upset they stop calling,but this strange lady is not like that) with me because I’ve not opted for Hutch’s caller tune subscription. She calls me everyday and complains about this. Once I accept her call, before I can say anything, she starts speaking like below:

"क्या यार् जब् भी कोइ तुम्हे फॉन् कर्ता है वही पुरानी ट्रि०ग् ट्रि०ग् सुनाई देती है| पता है? तुम् अपनी मन् पसन्द गाने को कालर् ट्यून् बनाकर् लोगो०को सुना सकते हो| इस्की कीमत् है सिर्फ् ३० रुपये महीना| हम् आप् के लिये लाये बहुत् सारे सूपर् हिट् गाने जैसे-

शक लक लक लक लक लक लक लक लक लक लक बूम् बूम|
इस् गाने को अपने कालर् ट्यून् बनाने केलिये १ दबओ| और् -
नो नो नो नो... नो नो नो नो नो. नो.. नो.. नो.. नो.. नो ऍन्ट्री..-इस् गाने के लिये २ दबाओ|

पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् पल् कैसे कटेगा ये पल् हर् पल् -इस गाने से अपने कालर्स को दीवाना बनाने के लिये अपने मोबैल् से ३ दबाओ..."
in case Hindi unicode scripts do not get displayed properly..
(kya yaar…Jab bhi koi tumhe phone karta hain vahi purani tring tring sunai deta hein. Pata hain, tum apni man pasand gaane ko caller tune bana ke apne callers ko suna sakte hon. Iska kimat hein sirf 30 rupayee…Hum aap ke liye laaye hain bahut saare super hit gaane jaise..
shaka laka laka laka laka laka laka laka ….bhooom boooom boom…is gaane to apni caller tune banana keliye 1 dabao…aur No No No No...No.NO.No No No No No Entry...agar ye gaana tumhe pasand aata hein to 2 dabao…nahi to pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal pal kaise katega ye pal… -is gaane se apni callers to diwaana banana keliye 3 dabao…)

(For non-hindi people: It is a pre-recorded voice which plays bits of films songs and asks me to press a particular number to set that song as caller tune)
(I've not kept a count of how many 'pal's, 'shaka's, 'no's 'laka's and bhooms are there in the song. Excuse me if there is a count mismatch)

Why can’t she go on singing every available song on this planet? Probably I might choose 631940th song as my caller tune! But I think she gets tired after singing 5-6 songs and call will disconnect eventually if I don’t respond. I never end her call myself as she gives me my daily dose of music.

Second comes this lady (real lady, no recorded voice this time). She begins in Telugu . నేను హచ్ షాప్ ను౦చి మాట్లాడతున్నాను సార్ (Nenu Hutch-shop nunchi matladatunnanu sir..Telugu for: I'm calling from Hutch-shop)I respond promptly నాకు తెలుగు రాదు అమ్మాయి. దయచేసి హి0ది / ఇ౦గ్లీష్ లో చెప్ప౦డి (Naaku telugu raadu ammai, dayachesi hindi/English lo cheppandi-Telugu for: I don't know Telugu lady, please tell me in Hindi/English) she usually shifts to Hindi. In sharp 7 seconds she completes her statement (practiced and perfected by repeating thousands of times daily): Her offer is that if I recharge for Rs. 75 I can make hutch to hutch calls and 30 paisa only, Hutch to other mobiles at 45 paisa only and so on. For this I politely say అవసర౦ లెదు (Avasaram lEdu-No need) Next comes the follow up question: Why sir? It is good no sir? OR Isn’t it useful to you sir? At this point, I feel the urge to explain the lady my detailed analysis (including ROI, minimum number of calls I’ve to make in order to reach break-even in that scheme, my usage for past one year etc) based on which I’ve reached the conclusion this scheme is more beneficial to Hutch than me. But since my time is precious I resist my temptation and end the call.

Third are credit card ladies. They are assisted by their “boyfriends” who will be waiting just outside my office to help me. All I need to do is walk outside the office with a copy of my ID card etc and hand them over to their executive. 99% of such calls I disconnect without saying anything. If I’m free and in a good mood, I manage to say “No thanks” to rest of the fortunate 1% callers. (These tele-callers are paid to call hundreds of people every day and they have to hear all harsh scolding from people whom they call (never bothering if people are in a middle of a meeting or sleeping or driving) and irritate. But venting your anger on these callers won’t serve any purpose, because they have no authority to remove your number from the list).

Next time onwards, I’ve decided to explain them the concept of blogging and tell them how they can sell more credit cards by blogging, than making unsolicited calls.

Bunch of other ladies are also after me. All they want is that I should waste my hard earned money on several stupid products and services-including cricket updates, ringtones you name it. Their faith in me (or their belief that they are going to convince me some day) is unquestionalble. Even if I say NO they do call back again, sooner or later, with fresh hopes of getting some business from me!!!
Note: Image sourced from external website. Vishalon.net was used for Hindi and Telugu Unicode characters. Humorous writing only and no pun is inteded towards the ladies.

SMSs we get from them is another big story (even Novel) by itself...

News Update: Register your number with National Do Not Call Registry and tele marketers will be instructed not to call you. We hope this system works. TOI news here

Thanks to NA Azhar for correcting some of the grammatical errors in Hindi script above.

Related: SMS and WIN Hype | Crazy and Stupid Email forwards