CWG spoof: How newspapers would read on Oct 2 (2010)

This is a spoof on Common Wealth Games (CWG) to be held in India, New Delhi next month; Imagine how newspaper reports might read on October 2, one day ahead of the inauguration ceremony of CWG. Any relevance to persons corrupt and more corrupt are purely intentional.

New Delhi, India, October 2, 2010: CWG Failure should be taken in true sportsmen spirit- Kalmadi

As the last remaining contingent of foreign athletes boycotted Common Wealth Games and left the country due to substandard and nonexistent facilities, CWG OC Chairman Suresh Kalmadi said that the disastrous performance of CWG Organizing Committee should be taken in true sportsman spirit. Standing on the debris of a heap of construction materials which once was a Stadium meant to host the games, Kalmadi said “winning and losing are all part of the game, Our failure to host an event should be taken in similar sports spirits. We shouldn't be worrying about failure and should move on, particularly after the money is made” Kalmadi said he was very pleased with his "personal performance" in games preparation. “We hadn't played with 70000 crores earlier, now that we've mastered the art, we're confident of 'performing' 'much better' at the next event we'll be organizing” he said off the record.

Organising Committee spokesperson Lalit Bhanot said "success is subjective and depends on perception. Your measure of success may be different from my measure or his measure or his measure... We may not be able to host the games but we got worldwide publicity"

Delhi CM Shiela Dixit downplayed the failure as insignificant. “It’s only international athletes who’ve returned- the people of Delhi are still here and they’ll continue to pay taxes and put up with our mess. There’s nothing to worry. We’ll have more similar events planned to sustain the chaos and mess created” she said, emphasizing the need that people should pray harder and increase their tolerance levels.

Cabinet Secretary KM Chandreshekhar termed athletes leaving India as a minor thing. "I don’t know how it happened, why it happened but there’s nothing to worry about. Everything is fine and we’re confident of concluding the event. If no athlete turns up we can always randomly pickup people and distribute medals based on reservation policy, so that all communities and casts will be getting their share of medals." he said, while suggesting that media should play down the incident and everyone should stand united for National pride.

There’s no security threat. We are all set to announce that “we’re beefing up security” if something goes wrong, but some journalists continue to do sting operations and expose the loopholes, which is a conspiracy to defame us-said one top Delhi Police official.

Union Urban Development Minister, Govt of India, Mr Jaipal Reddy admitted: "Yes, there has been some delays and issues, but these are very common. Though number of people doing the actual work on the ground is close to none, we'd sent large number of supervisors to supervise the progress. They've been doing wonderful job supervising the progress." "We're now planning another committee that will supervise these supervisors", Union Home Secretary GK Pillai added. 

"There's no issue at all. There have been projects where we executed everything on paper and pocketed 100% of the money. Here we've at least built something"- Said an OC member who didn't wish to be named. "These structures were supposed to last at least till inauguration day, its unfortunate they collapsed just few days ahead of it.." he added

Calls made to PMO went unattended. Sometime in the evening a watchman who came to lock the doors picked up our call and said that the last available staff at Indian PMO has already rushed to CWG venue to supervise the preparations.

Late night update: Happy to see the wonderful response received for this post. 50+ likes, 550+ pageviews, lots of comments- thanks to each one of your for the appreciation.-Nidhi


Image sourced from bollypatrika.com/ Other Humor posts: New Year Resolutions * Work phone * Gender confusion over the name Shrinidhi * Ladies who call me everyday *